| "im so messed up i want you here..." |
[05 Jan 2008|09:36pm] |
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mood |
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 sad |
] |
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music |
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stench |
] |
watching old stench videos missing dave like you wouldnt believe
he looks so hot playing electric guitar
seeing max on this video is making me furious
fucking nutcase
replacing something with nothing is very hard
but at least im not sicker than dog anymore
thank god for that
come see me
i need friends right now
come hug me and cuddle with me
i need you
i need dave so much it hurts
im quarentiend for 3 more days here
cut of from my love and the rest of civilzation
im glad he's not sick
i crave his smell
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| "ya'll two got a real fuckin' battle ahead of ya'll" |
[03 Jan 2008|02:26am] |
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mood |
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 excited |
] |
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music |
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big river - mr. johnny cash |
] |
sure am coming home
sure am getting the fuck out of the pit!!!!!!!!!
sure am cleaning up my act
sure am dreading the invitabilty of running into the dozens of evil ones festering in woodstock
find me when i get there
i miss you
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[20 Jul 2007|07:23pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
] |
quitting my job`soon to start something a lil more riske and a shitload more lucrative
i cant express my feeling of longing for woodstock and those whom i love and miss with all of my being
hopefully i can stop by soon after this shit gets off the ground
on the darker side of things the devil still looms over me
and he's got an iron grip....
pee ess there is huge house party at my hizzy on the 28th and hopefully another large joint party for anya and my birthdays mid august
love for any and all of you to show your lovely faces
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| its burnin' my hand |
[03 May 2007|01:13pm] |
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so jessica and oren will be gone within the month
theres a new renter for our warehouse space
we werent sure if this would be good or bad
but it has turned to be an amazingly good thing so far
we got our space back!
marcus is staying to too which kicks ASS
the new people moving in are these incredibly proactive 40 drinkin' self-sufficient really positive people
so for the first time in a while we feel positive and that one track gets bumped off of it's reel and gives way to a plethera of awesome ideas for a space and our lives in general
there are other things in life
there is hope for us
there is still that longing
that comfort that i've gotten so used to
but i feel that with time it will fizzle into nothing more than a puddle of regret and feeling of stupidity
this shit isolates me from so many people and things that i love and miss
its hard to explain to people who havent been there
i had a good talk with becki last night
i'd like to talk to kiot and gewel
see what they have to say
i heard that ian and kiowa will be here sometime this month so thats even more motivation
it will be good to see them
ive started acting a little again and it feels good to think about something productive and be complimented
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| me and the dragon |
[10 Apr 2007|01:36pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
] |
things are really fucked
i keep going in and out of stages of just wanting to give up completely and hit the road
things that used to be constant and steady are no more
im really sick of "getting er done"
im highly sick of being a trooper
and im very sick of hanging in there
we have a month left of a place to live
then who knows
there are parts of me that hope we wont find a place to go so that we can just leave this godforsaken pit of vice and misery
there are alot of things i miss that cant be re-obtained
this state of treading is really weighing me down
In Memory of My Shark
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| sitting on a park bench eying little girls with bad intent |
[03 Feb 2007|09:37pm] |
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mood |
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scummy |
] |
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music |
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patsy cline |
] |
all we do is work
7 days a week
and yet we still shit ourselves every month at the thought of upcoming rent due
still in numerous ancient debts to those i love
finacially etc.
oh yes
i truly am a scumbag
all i do is try and fill up on scum
and bath and soak and drink up as much scum as my body will hold
until i breath it
until i puke it
all over
my docs
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[04 Jan 2007|09:57pm] |
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mood |
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itchy |
] |
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music |
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blind melon |
] |
i got a job at a healthfood store called "lifethyme"
cheesy huh?
whatever its mucho grande betterer than the poop shack
i lost my all grown up wallet on the train and some dicknose used my atm card to buy unlimited cards
so along with my only access to my bank i lost my id and loads of other sentimental assortments
im still stuck in the rotten apple
and
it
blows
i need to start acting again
producing something would feel good
ive lost connection with most of my meaningful relationships and its really depressing
especially because most of the perpetrators live within a 10 mile radius
my vagina is smoldering
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[01 Dec 2006|12:57am] |
Newsies midnight show
That's right christian bale papes billpullman is the king o ny
Call me if ju want to go
M
9173347197
Miss you kit...
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[09 Oct 2006|01:49pm] |
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mood |
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 groggy |
] |
all i want to do is get out of here before winter
vermont would be cool
i would like dat
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[13 Sep 2006|05:05pm] |
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mood |
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exhausted |
] |
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music |
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pitchfork militia |
] |
9 to 5 sucks
it sucks even more when its 6:30 to 3
it makes me so depressed its OUTSTANDING
more and more my thoughts drift to giving up completely on all of this bullshit
and they always always rest on how much the city FUCKING BLOWS
i kind of thought hopping out of the city was next to impossible
but we found the way out
the quietest i've ever heard the city was in this huge ancient train tunnel
in queens
further on down the tracks there seemed to be actual woods
upon further investigation a tall sandy garbage heap skirting the underpass led us up to a home bum camp
still inhabited!
fucking frieked me out...
ny homebums are the scariest of all
crusty as fuck
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[11 Aug 2006|06:27pm] |
She ( to persist in personifying the sensation as female ) is a wild and sea-eyed undine, the darling daughter of adventure, the sister of risk, and it is for her rare and always ephemeral embrace, the temporary pressure she exerts on the membrane of ecstacy, that many men leave home.
anyway...
leaving the city in the next few monthes
got a poop promotion
doing alice again in septembre
saving for a truck
seeing simone
and hopefully lily and becky this weekend for a the big 2 0.
and my butt is sweating.
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| dogs turds are fucking me up dog turds are landin' in my coffee cup |
[25 Jul 2006|04:20pm] |
7/10
alice rehersal making me nostalgic
miss home
miss lots and lots of people
miss trees
miss air
miss the way things used to be
but they arent the same and thats okay
im better for it
--------------------------------------
alice is officially going down this weekend
come if you can
i wish dan holden and chase would magically be there
i forget what they look like mostly and that makes me kind of sad
sometimes i wish i could back to then knowing what i now know
but im glad i can't
livejournal just makes me sad mostly
i think about people i dont really know anymore and wish i did
i wish they still knew me
life outside of the city is easily forgotten
i hate this fucking place
i hate how it traps in heat
i hate the constant smell of everything rotting
i hate vermins.
i hate cleaning rich peoples' dogs' POOPS
basically.
(ihatepeopleihateyourfuckingfaceihatepeopleihatethehumanrace)
my ass hurts and i dont feel like typing anymore
so heres a random quote to sum up the pre-existing dribble
"yeah...or i could bang my head against the wall and save myself 2 dollars on bus fare"
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[20 Apr 2006|04:47pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
] |
moving to the BK
getting the fuck out
we're going to have our own room
FINALLY
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| suka with a walnut |
[12 Apr 2006|08:06pm] |
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music |
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someone playing U2 that i really wish would stop |
] |
i got a job
i get to play with dogs all day long
simona was here and it made me really happy
i wish however that she had come on a different weekend when things werent so insane
ie-SAfo
the behavior is reminding me of jack mills
and
I
dont like it...
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| "Dude, the place is filling up," I say "It's like we're living on the bottom half of an hourglass" |
[24 Mar 2006|04:49pm] |
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mood |
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eh.... |
] |
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music |
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SILENCE....is wonderful-->AFTER SO MANY BEATS |
] |
I never get to use the computer
Most of the time when i do all i think about just deleting this chronicled embarassing mess of mish moshed confusion
I'm much less of a nervous pile then i have been in recent monthes since having moved to the city
which doesnt say much however
most days i have to convince myself to leave the apartment
no i still dont have a job
but i get to see Brian every friday
He's my chaser
my mixer
my catsup
my creamcheese
i miss acting
i miss kit
i DO NOT miss the hip HOP madness constantly filling the apartment
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| dirty country mouse |
[02 Jan 2006|10:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 lazy |
] |
as with tradition new years sucked
we had people over here which was drunken and chaotic as usual
but i missed most of it
i went to aurora's for what turned out to be a few hours instead of one
i've developed this new sort of social phobia when dealing with people alone that i dont know
it's really fucking irritating
i barely talked to anyone the whole night
if brian wasnt there i dont know what i would have done
got to meet damon
good guy
we got along which made me happy
they are awesone for being so thorough with me and not looking down on me for being so lost and ignorant about the city
i had to sneak back into the window when i got back
everyone was being drunk somewhere in manhatten stealing a christmas tree a bringing it home with them on the subway
im so pissed i stayed sober for no reason
i didnt want to risk fucking up somehow on the subway
ive ridden it a few times by myself
FUCK YOU
i'm very proud of myself i've never done it
im a retard when it comes to living in the city
but i'm getting more used to it and i like it
im cutting off my dreds so that i can get a job and start acting again
im psyhched and scared im going to look like a big fat bulldyke
i hung out with anna today and shared a sandwich and our thoughts about drugs, public nudity,and changing
we realized it's been harder for other people to deal with it then it has been personally
and most importantly we realized "fuck it"
i like leda
she is purdy
i have fun with her
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